Phone spam

Posted on September 17, 2007 by Steve

It was all planned out. I discovered who was pestering me with occasional no-message calls for months. I saved the number as "Spam" and resolved to let them have it next time: I would answer the phone with a ringing expletive, and simply repeat it in response to whatever they said.

Things never do go quite as planned, and I wasn't able to overcome my breeding when the moment came. This is how it played out.

"Please don't call me again."
"Hello?"
"Please don't call me again."
"Sorry?"
"Please don't call me again."
"Were you dissatisfied with sumfin?"
"Please don't call me again."
"All right, bye!"

Far more courtesy than a marketing drone deserves, but at least I was able to maintain a flinty resolve and stick to my line. If I had busted out all pottymouth and she had played the manners card, no doubt I would have broken down, excused myself, and then stewed in a funk of self-loathing all day. Breeding.
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Comments

Posted by RWH | September 17, 2007 | 11:21:55

Commenters at the 800notes site seem to indicate that they don't bug you if you haven't done business with them - which would be supported by the "Were you dissatisfied..." line. Not much you can do about it other than refusing to give them your number to begin with, I reckon.

To each his own regarding the level of vitriol, I suppose, but I have found a hearty "f*ck off, parasite" to be quite cathartic. On the other hand, I'll more often take the calm approach, just because I need the practice.

She did give you a nice opening to break your script, though: "Yes, I'm dissatisfied that you keep calling me. I don't do business with companies that pester me with unsolicited phone calls. Please don't call me again." Season to taste.
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Posted by Steve | September 17, 2007 | 11:48:25

It's true, I did give them my cell number to coordinate our carpet cleaning way back when. I've also answered their call at least once before and asked them not to bug me anymore.

I can also confirm the reports of a hard upsell by this outfit. An online coupon was mostly worthless because it dropped the total below the $99 minimum per visit, which at that time was hidden in fine print. So I succumbed to the offer of an extra Teflon spray for a few dollars more to get my money's worth, like a sucker.
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Posted by Eric Phillips | September 18, 2007 | 11:52:26

Speaking as one who did customer-satisfaction surveys by telephone for SafeLite Autoglass one summer, I commend your breeding.

Most people I talked to when I did that job were happy to give their opinion of the service provided, so I don't think you can assume that they know they're bothering you when they call. People who call to sell you something are a different matter.

If you did answer the survey, you could complain to them about the online coupon and the teflon spray, thus registering your displeasure in a quantifiable fashion that might actually affect the way they do things in the future.
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